Tamales / O Henry

This is the Mexican

Don José Calderon

One of God's countrymen.

Land of the buzzard.

Cheap silver dollar, and

Cacti and murderers.

Why has he left his land

Land of the lazy man,

Land of the pulque

Land of the bull fight,

Fleas and revolution.

This is the reason,

Hark to the wherefore;

Listen and tremble.

One of his ancestors,

Ancient and garlicky,

Probably grandfather,

Died with his boots on.

Killed by the Texans,

Texans with big guns,

At San Jacinto.

Died without benefit

Of priest or clergy;

Died full of minie balls,

Mescal and pepper.

Don José Calderon

Heard of the tragedy.

Heard of it, thought of it,

Vowed a deep vengeance;

Vowed retribution

On the Americans,

Murderous gringos,

Especially Texans.

"Valga me Dios! que

Ladrones, diablos,

Matadores, mentidores,

Caraccos y perros,

Voy a matarles,

Con solos mis manos,

Toditas sin falta."

Thus swore the Hidalgo

Don José Calderon.

He hied him to Austin.

Bought him a basket,

A barrel of pepper,

And another of garlic;

Also a rope he bought.

That was his stock in trade;

Nothing else had he.

Nor was he rated in

Dun or in Bradstreet,

Though he meant business,

Don José Calderon,

Champion of Mexico,

Don José Calderon,

Seeker of vengeance.

With his stout lariat,

Then he caught swiftly

Tomcats and puppy dogs,

Caught them and cooked them,

Don José Calderon,

Vower of vengeance.

Now on the sidewalk

Sits the avenger

Selling Tamales to

Innocent purchasers.

Dire is thy vengeance,

Oh, José Calderon,

Pitiless Nemesis

Fearful Redresser

Of the wrongs done to thy

Sainted grandfather.

Now the doomed Texans,

Rashly hilarious,

Buy of the deadly wares,

Buy and devour.

Rounders at midnight,

Citizens solid,

Bankers and newsboys,

Bootblacks and preachers,

Rashly importunate,

Courting destruction.

Buy and devour.

Beautiful maidens

Buy and devour,

Gentle society youths

Buy and devour.

Buy and devour

This thing called Tamale;

Made of rat terrier,

Spitz dog and poodle.

Maltese cat, boarding house

Steak and red pepper.

Garlic and tallow,

Corn meal and shucks.

Buy without shame

Sit on store steps and eat,

Stand on the street and eat,

Ride on the cars and eat,

Strewing the shucks around

Over creation.

Dire is thy vengeance,

Don José Calderon.

For the slight thing we did

Killing thy grandfather.

What boots it if we killed

Only one greaser,

Don José Calderon?

This is your deep revenge,

You have greased all of us,

Greased a whole nation

With your Tamales,

Don José Calderon.

Santos Esperiton,

Vincente Camillo,

Quitana de Rios,

De Rosa y Ribera.