Rhyme of Oxford Cockney Rhymes / Andrew Lang

Though Keats rhymed "ear" to "Cytherea,"

And Morris "dawn" to "morn,"

A worse example, it is clear,

By Oxford Dons is "shorn."

G-y, of Magdalen, goes beyond

These puny Cockneys far,

And to "Magrath" rhymes--Muse despond!--

"Magrath" he rhymes to "star"!

Another poet, X. Y. Z.,

Employs the word "researcher,"

And then,--his blood be on his head,--

He makes it rhyme to "nurture."

Ah, never was the English tongue

So flayed, and racked, and tortured,

Since one I love (who should be hung)

Made "tortured" rhyme to "orchard."

Unkindly G-y's raging pen

Next craves a rhyme to "sooner;"

Rejecting "Spooner," (best of men,)

He fastens on LACUNA(R).

Nay, worse, in his infatuate mind

He ends a line "explainer,"

Nor any rhyme can G-y find

Until he reaches Jena(r).

Yes, G-y shines the worst of all,

He needs to rhyme "embargo;"

The man had "Margot" at his call,

He had the good ship ARGO;

Largo he had; yet doth he seek

Further, and no embargo

Restrains him from the odious, weak,

And Cockney rhyme, "Chicago"!

Ye Oxford Dons that Cockneys be,

Among your gardens tidy,

If you would ask a maid to tea,

D'ye call the girl "a lydy"?

And if you'd sing of Mr. Fry,

And need a rhyme to "swiper,"

Are you so cruel as to try

To fill the blank with "paper"?

Oh, Hoxford was a pleasant plice

To many a poet dear,

And Saccharissa had the grice

In Hoxford to appear.

But Waller, if to Cytherea

He prayed at any time,

Did not implore "her friendly ear,"

And think he had a rhyme.

Now, if you ask to what are due

The horrors which I mention,

I think we owe them to the U--

Niversity extension.

From Hoxton and from Poplar come

The 'Arriets and 'Arries,

And so the Oxford Muse is dumb,

Or, when she sings, miscarries.